Memories

Outcast

2011-11-03T17:02:00.002+08:00

I suddenly dont know where i belong or whom i belong to.

Feel like an outcast of this society with no place to fit in.

Why do i feel like i always have to try and fit in.

Dear God, if you say im your child. Why do you never appear to me???

Happy Birthday Mumny

2011-09-28T02:13:00.001+08:00

Happy Birthday Mummy!

It's my mum's birthday today.
Just the other day, i was out shopping for a card for her. Came across a beautiful card, talking about the many wonderful things that mothers do. I paused when i read the sentence which went something like "thank for for tucking me in bed every night"
Dunno why but my heart sank when i read that sentence.

I wish i could call my mum my best friend.
I get jealous when i see mother and daughters cuddling together on the sofa or on the bed talking abt a tv show or even anything under the roof. Things have gotten kinda awkward between us over the years and sometimes im afraid of being left alone with her, afraid of not knowing what to say. Afraid that she might speak to me in a tone which would hurt my feelings. I wanna be to tell her things abt whats gg on in my life, but somehow i just dont feel extremely comfortable about it.

I miss the mum who watched over me when i was still a kid. So many happy memories she planted in our lives then. But as her business grew, things changed....

No amt of words and truly explain my feelings.
I appreciate her for who she is.
And i guess that all mums are perhaps different.
I sure wonder what kind of mum i'll be nxt time.
But one things for sure is that i would want to build a comfortable relationship with my daughter, where she'll be willing to share with me about anything....

spoilt

2011-07-26T19:55:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, God put certain ppl in our lives to test our patience.
Certain things that she does really put my patience to the ultimate test.
For the sake of family peace, i guess i just gotta bite my tongue and bear with it.

Just a word.

Seriously, grow up!
Stop acting with a spoilt brat
You dont own the world.
Stop living in that useless fantansy world of yours.
It's better off withou you.
You're no longer 16. Wake up!!!

loser

2011-06-27T08:08:00.001+08:00

As long as i cant live without you,
i'll always be at a loss.

Loser.

why

2011-06-05T12:55:00.001+08:00

Why cant someone understand me and where im coming from.
Why is this world so unfair.
Having to put up with shit
And when my mouth opens i am put down.

Vicious Cycle

2011-06-01T01:43:00.003+08:00

One Word. Unhappy. Again.

It's a vicious cycle.

But why do i have to be caught in it. Sigh.

Can't blame her, her mum was like that too. Maybe worst.

It's up to me to break it next time.

Just don't understand why is it she's so unapproachable most of the time.

I find it so hard to talk to her.

I'm afraid to ask favors from her.

If i do, i need to see her mood.

But she was fine a while ago,

laughing while talking to her husband.

Hate to ask her for favors,

make me feel as if i owe her something.

Hate that feeling.

Will never forget times when she offer to do things for me (when she's in a good mood),

only to use it against me in the end (when she's in a bad mood).

Resulting in unhappy endings. Nightmares. Hurt.

Wish i didn't have to rely that much on her.

If only i was more capable.

I would have gotten myself out of this place.

When i'm out next time.

Don't blame me if i don't care.

If only

2011-05-31T00:05:00.002+08:00

2 papers down... one final one to go this coming Thursday.

Went to watched Kungfu panda 2 after the paper together and it was really a great way to relieve one's mind.

Was suppose to complete another chapter today but i'm in no mood to do so.

Finally got to talk to my mum today,

so i decided to tell her about the Australia road trip that i was going with Jem's family.

Guess what her reply was... "oh, you've to pay yourself". In a really bitter tone.

Oh... you've to pay yourself???? That's all?

Those words still ring in my head and i was quite upset over it.

She did not even bother to ask like where and stuff.

She did not even bother at all.

(to some of you, this might be nothing, but you dont understand)

I felt quite, rather really hurt after that.

Why is she like that.

Why can't she care a bit more.

If it were Jem's mum she would have been much more caring....

maybe overly caring but i guess it's better.

Sigh.. sometimes i just yearn for that mother-daughter relationship with her.

Where i can be myself and share little secrets with her.

But i just find it so hard to talk to her.

Even awkward sometimes.

I long to be able to lie in her bed with her and like watch tv together or something.

But no, she goes into her room and locks herself in it.

If it were my dad it would have been different. I guess.....

But he's not here......

fa-il

2011-05-30T01:35:00.001+08:00

Family... Take away the m and y and it spells fail.
Was studying halfway when i stopped to look for something when i came across a few pics of the last time i went Japan....
Relised that was our last trip together as a family... Things began to get from bad to worst after that....
Just blogging bout this now cause im starting to feel emo and dont know how to say it out..
What makes it worst is when i thnk of how some people do not know how to appreciate the family they have now... Taking things or their parents for granted and acting as if they were princes or princess.
These people should just go through what i went through to open up their eyes and wake them up. Much as i say i dont care sometimes, guess deep down somewhere there's still this longing in me... To be a part of somthing and to have that something be solely a part of me.

It's not fair. Those people should just die.

Money

2011-05-28T01:00:00.002+08:00

Whoever said that money does not bring you happiness?

Well, maybe it does not bring you happiness,

but it can definitely buy you things that will bring you happiness.

At least that's what i know for now....

Afterall, it was partly because of money that my parents divorced.

All i know is that if i had money now...

i can lead my own life,

i do not have to worry about being left out and not being able to go on a trip with bb n his family,

I just want some money now....

I dont ask for a million....

just some.... :(

Life and the things in it

2011-05-24T21:24:00.001+08:00

Heard/saw this from somewhere,
The things which brings you the most happiness are also the things which brings you the most unhappiness. How true is that.
Cant help bt feel quite fed up sometimes.
Questioning why things are like that.
Why i cant be someone else.
Why cant i be more indepedent.
Why certain people even exsist.

Life does SUCK at times.

LEAVE ME ALONE!

2011-03-21T23:04:00.002+08:00

One thing i find is that i am easily affected by what other people say... especially when they say stuff which i do not like! Worst still... i keep thinking about it all day long and realise that as a result i have problems concentrating on other stuff. And it affects me! This sucks!

Why can't i leave life the way i want to...

not having to bother about what other people say or think.

I think i'm suffering from mild depression.

Been having crying spells.

Feeling anti-social.

Feeling as if i've got no friends that i can rely on.

Hating everyone around me.

Easily irritated.

One moment i'm smiling, the next i'm shouting.

Feel lonely.

Feel rejected. Felt that people were unfriendly.

Feel sad.

Feel like giving up, but keep having to push myslf and remind myself that it's for the sake of my future.

Is there anyone who can truly understand how i feel.

Is there anyone who will be patient with me and stand all my nonsense,

who gives me a shoulder to cry on and not get frustrated hearing my cries.

Results:S

2011-02-21T00:59:00.002+08:00

Sigh.... psych results are out...

as usual... i got a credit!

Can't believe i actually got a credit when the paper was so easy...

why couldn't i have done better...

If this carries on, i can just wave goodbye to doing honors.

Oh dear... the thought of it is so damn scary....

Worst thing is that everyone else around me are all getting Distinctions!

Somehow, getting a distinction for them is so easy...

can't help but feel even more upset and demoralize...

Sigh... time to buck up a little i guess...

Day after Day

2011-01-30T19:35:00.004+08:00

Been wanting to change my blog skin, but somehow, i havent found the perfect one yet, so i shall just stick with this for now.

As each day passes, it's getting nearer and nearer to my mum's wedding,

and as each day passes, i'm just waiting for the day when i will get married,

have my own perfect little home, run my own perfect little family.

Why cant time just fly faster...

why cant i be richer....

I dont mean to be mean or anything,

you know that i want my mum to be happy...

but sometimes i just can't help but wish for a complete family.

After all.... this was a marriage that was never meant to happen since the first day that i was born.

I dont know what good will come out of what i've been through...

i just know that the one good thing is that i'll learn to cherish and build a complete family and that i ill never make the same selfish mistake that my mum did.

An Update

2011-01-26T19:31:00.005+08:00

Here's an update of what's been happening in my life.

Ever since exams ended 2 weeks ago.... i started going back to Anna Sui to work part time.
Working at the cosmetic cosmetic counter can get quite boring at times.
Like i would say, it's all about sitting there and looking pretty.
Having bad sales isn't making it any better, but i need the money!!!
It sucks to not have money. ARGH!

I got a new iphone!!! Like finally... i waited like forever to get it. So glad it's finally in my hands.
Now i dont mind having to wait for buses or ppl :D (but that does not mean you can be late!)

My wisdom have been giving me problems every now and then. Then during my batam trip, i found out that it was decaying. After much hesitation, i decided to go to the dentist for a consultation. My heart stopped beating for a while when the dentist told me that i had to pluck out all my wisdom tooth. And one of them needs to be operate on as it was not growing properly.
You see, i'm dentist-phobic. Had a bad experience when i was young.Yes! I'm damn scared of the dentist. And my dental surgery is tomorrow! Oh God. Please save me!!! Just can't wait for it to be over :S

Went for the terry fox run with baby on Sunday. Nothing much... no kick... only 5km. The original plan was for me to walk all the way cause i was having knee problems (yes, till now it's still not ok! Dammit!) But when the run started, upon seeing everybody running, i couldn't help but want to run as well. So with much pleading and persuading i managed to get my bf to agree to me running. And i'm quite proud to myself, i managed to finish it in half an hour. I think i could have done better if i pushed myself. But it's been a long time since i ran, and on top of that i had a bad knee. So i think half an hour was good :D

Baby and me after the run:) Despite him being able to run much faster than me he kept up with my pace and accompanied me all the way. Love you!

Couch Potato

2011-01-08T01:59:00.004+08:00

OK... until today i never really saw a couch potato.

I'm quite curious as to how people can turn into couch potatos.

I mean, spending 20hrs a day on the couch???

Watching tv, using the lappy and even sleeping on the couch?!

I mean that's a little too absurd!

I'm quite amused by it actually.

Well, i sure hope that they dont literally turn into a potato....

or worst... the size of a potato! LOLS!

What do you think defines a couch potato???

Disappointment

2011-01-06T23:41:00.002+08:00

Sigh... what should i say... i guess now i'm just feeling very disappointed over my results.

Sometimes, i just cant help but wish i were a little cleverer.

Is it me or is it that i'm just not cut out for it.

Just cant help but feeling like giving up, but for the sake of the ppl who love me,

i must carry on.

It's even more demoralising when the people around you are like doing so well when they hardly study at all... sigh.... wth.

Oh well...good nights and all the best for my exams next week..... hopefully i'll do better. (hopefully)

Rest and Relax

2011-01-05T02:16:00.003+08:00

Had a really awesome time over the weekend with the DG. Though it was a short 4 days, i really enjoyed myself. Felt that it was much more fun than, ahem* my 7day Taiwan trip. I guess the group of people whom you go with really does make a big difference. Especially if they're ahem* younger and more adventurous.

Nevertheless, despite all the fun, i must admit that there were times where i felt a little left out among the girls. Only a year and half has passed and i guess i haven't got to the level where i'm (should i say) good enough to share the same kind of friendship they have with each other. I do not know if that day will ever come, there's just this gap between us, this wall, (this person?)

Alright... emo things aside... this whole week gotta spend 12 hours a day mugging for my exams next week. Oh dear Lord, please grant me some special power/memory that i'll be able to get that whole chunk of stuff into this teeny brain of mine.

Good Nights :)

Get lost

2010-12-04T01:33:00.003+08:00

Feelings of hatred and bitterness have been on my mind/body/soul this whole week.

I don't know why, but these two are the hardest to go away.

It's like you know the more you think about it, the worst you feel,

but it's like i just cant FREAKING help it!

It's like until i get rid of that particular person, these feelings wont go away.

It's like a vicious cycle.

I ask why, even though i know there's no answer to it.

I asked and beg for it, now that i have it,

i have to learn to accept everything that comes with it.

Pleasant or unpleasant.

I wonder how long more will i have to wait,

before these feelings go away,

Reality hurts

2010-11-27T01:01:00.003+08:00

I'm in a mess now. Or rather, i think i am.
I cant believe i can let someone affect me so much.
But for all you who dont know the full story and dont know the shit i'm going through.
Dont judge me and ask why i'm behaving the way i am.
I dont mean to hate you.
But you crossed the line till the pt where i can bare it no more.
I dont remember having such strong hatred for anyone before.

(I wanna kill you)

I hate you!

All these bitter feelings.

Perhaps some of you dont know how she really is like.

All those hugs and kisses with her.

Totally disgust me to the max.

In your eye.

She's "Mr nice guy"

But if you were in my position.

You'll understand.

you can ask questions like why i'm like tat.

Say things like oh, what's past is past.

But please. Just shut the f*** up.

Cause you dont know the pain and hurt i'm going though.

So. Dont you judge me.

I always believe that unless you're in that someone's shoes.

You'll never know what it feels like to be him or her.

2010-10-24T21:50:00.001+08:00

I do not like what i see!
I hate what i see!
I do not want to think about what i see!

BITCH!

If you knew

2010-09-16T01:10:00.003+08:00

If you know who you are... and you understand what i'm talking about...
Yup.. this is for you.

I may not be the best friend in the whole world though i want to be
I may not be good at balancing and maintaining relationships though i try to
But i too have feelings like everyone else
You may have done it unknowingly, but i think anyone else in my shoes would have felt the same way.
My heart really wants to make your special day really special
but in my mind, i'm not too sure...
because i need that assurance from you....
that assurance that i'm still loved and i'm still someone special...
I need this assurance before i can give my all..........

but right now... all i can say is that i don't see or feel it at all.

Bullshit!

2010-09-04T16:15:00.002+08:00

A load of bullshit!
Why should i bother and get upset over people who don't even care about my feelings.
All those love crap is bullshit!

If i never knew you

2010-09-02T18:07:00.002+08:00

Sometimes i just cant help but stop and wonder how fate works...
How 2 lives can just so happen to be there at that particular place and time
How these 2 lives meet and eventually get together.
It's also scary to think how with a twist of fate...
these 2 lives can also pass by each other without them even knowing.
Many a times... i get this scary feeling... that all this is just a dream.
That i waking up realizing i'm back to square one.
You know... like what we see in fairytales.
Suddenly the princess wakes up and finds that she's back to the time when the prince never knew her.... that those love stories never did exist.

This beautiful song is for you baby...,

If I never knew you
If i never felt this love
I would have no inkling of
How precious life can be

And if I never held you
I would never have a clue
How at last I'd find in you
The missing part of me.

(Own words)
If i never knew you, I would still be living in darkness,Throwing my life away. Living in loneliness, waking up everyday not knowing what to expect, afraid of the future.I'm so grateful for everything that you've done for me.

Unhappy happy day

2010-09-02T01:02:00.003+08:00

Quarreled with my brother over the silliest thing- laundry
Well... it might seem like the silliest thing but i definitely wasn't too happy about it:(

I cried and i wined.

Despite he hating me to whine, my dearest bf still put up with it.
On top of that, he drove all the way to my place and brought me to supper to cheer me up.
I feel so touched and blessed.... he is the only one person who would do such a sweet thing for me.
You're everything to me baby.... i love you!

My Superhero

What's real?

2010-08-27T00:49:00.003+08:00

I don't really know what's real and what's not now.
I dont' like what i'm seeing and i don't like it when people who seem so real seem so fake at the same time.
If somethings not done now... things are gonna get worst and worst.

I hate people with an attitude problem.
I'm not saying my attitude's really good...
but it's definitely not that bad.
Having to put up with this kind of people is seriously hard...
especially when you dun have much of a choice...
oh well...
life sucks at times.

It's sad

2010-08-12T01:39:00.002+08:00

It's sad to see how things can actually turn out this way.
I look back in the past... and i do miss those good times.
But i think somewhere along the way...
a hole was made... nobody bothered to mend it and it got bigger and bigger.
Why can't life just be simpler and everyone a tiny bit happier?

Being Contented

2010-07-18T23:17:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, we should just be contented with the things we have, the life we are living.
I hate the pain of looking at other people's facebook,wondering why they have such a happy family and i don't, wondering why they get to get to travel so much and i'm stuck here, wondering why they have to much money and i have none...

I have to admit that i'm quite anti-social... and i have been like this ever since i was young. In primary school.... i was always left with the boys... i hardly had any girl-friends. In ballet class... despite going to ballet class for so many years i hardly talked to anyone and everyone else were already forming their own group of friends. In secondary school... it was just the two of us and no one else. Is it just me or is there really something wrong with me? I too want to blend in with everyone and want to feel that i am part of something....

Heartfelt Disappointment

2010-07-08T00:43:00.004+08:00

A great sense of disappointment has overwhelmed me

Caused by people around me including myself

Is it because i expect too much or is it just me?

I thought all of you were my closest

I thought all of you cared

But i'm wrong.

Only you can make it better. Promise you'll never leave <3

Let go

2010-04-30T00:22:00.002+08:00

Why is it so hard to let go sometimes?

When i think all is ok and going well...

those evil feelings start to come back:(

God please help me...

I do not want to be this miserable for the next feel years of my life..

I want to settle down.

Life Facts

2010-03-20T02:47:00.002+08:00

Sometimes it's just so hard trying to keep everything going at once
You try and you try but you just keep failing
It's things like these that make me emo.
You cant keep everything and everybody.
It's a fact.. you just gotta face it.
You came into this world alone....
you're gonna die alone.....

Time

2010-02-24T17:32:00.002+08:00

How time flies... it's been a month since my last entry.
Will 4 years fly by too?
I wish i had the answer to that....

Cant imagine how it's going to be like without having you physically by my side....
I know they say you should be independent and stuff...
but there are times when one needs to be dependent on someone or something.

All i can do now is secretly pray and hope that God will grant me my wish....

Happy Chinese New Year?

2010-01-16T13:48:00.002+08:00

Chinese New year is approaching.
Everywhere you go you hear about it.
Tv channels are starting to play CNY songs.
Everyone's getting excited about it.
All getting ready for CNY.
Buying new clothes etc.

Sadly...it just ain't the same for me anymore.
That feeling of excitment i got when i was a kid just ain't there anymore.
In fact...i'm dreading it...
I dread those 2 days of new year...
I jus wanna go away...
I hate it whenever i see those chinese new year eds.
I hate the thought of families visiting.
Screw the buying of new year's clothes...
What new year clothes? Who cares...
Things are different now....

World Alone

2010-01-13T23:33:00.003+08:00

What do you do when things aren't going your way?
When you feels as if the whole world dislikes you and you hate the world
What do you do when changes are happening,
when you have to bite your tongue and accept something you hate
What do you do when the future is uncertain

Fear not for there's someone out there who's gonna hold your hand and guide you every step of the way......

6th Month

2009-12-13T16:14:00.003+08:00

We've been together for 6 months!
Wow...how time flies....
6 months ago... on this day... on the parade square... we got together.

Sigh... but you're not by my side today...
It's already the 6th day... but it feels like 6 years!
The wait is killing me.... i'm going to die...
There's not a day that goes by that i'm not emo...
There's not a moment that goes by that i don't think of you...
I want you to come back quickly and return to my side baby:(

Went shopping alone today...
For a moment i felt that same feeling of loneliness...
I hate it.
But at least i managed to buy his christmas present:)
I hope he'll loved it.
Come back quickly baby... i wanna show you what i've got for you...

2days, 7hours, 5mins more..... :(

I'm Officially Missing You

2009-12-12T11:31:00.002+08:00

All I hear is raindrops falling on the rooftop

Oh baby, tell me why'd you have to go

Cause this pain I feel it won't go away

And today I'm officially missin you

Everything little thing that you do,

stays on my mind.

Every little dream i dream,

you're inside

All i do is lay around,

looking at your pictures on my com.

Checking my handphone every now and then,

hoping to see your message

Oh, this wait is killing me.

I want you back baby.

Love Sick

2009-12-11T12:01:00.003+08:00

4 Days down another 4 Days to go....

I'm officially LOVE SICK!

He's in thailand i'm in singapore.

I've been rather lifeless these few days....emoing at home.

This is no good.... no good at all.

It shows that i cannot live without him....when in fact i should be able to.

So here i am, trying to keep my mind off him.

Oh well... come back soon baby.

I'm missing you.

Stucked

2009-11-04T22:26:00.005+08:00

Ok. I'm suppose to be doing my work... but i decided to stop for a while.

I HATE DOING PORTFOLIOS!
Will someone please help me.... i'm so not in the mood to do them now.
3 down... 30 more to go=S

That aside...

Last week till monday was good.
Mum not in town.
Saw bf everyday.

Here's what happened last week till monday....

lunch at some burger place

yum yum

Halloween, Michael Jackson tribute party at St James

Oh ya... and there was my school's concert on sat too.

I ain't gonna upload a pic for it cause i dun really have one... n this freaking blogger's

taking too long to upload e pic. So ya... looking forward to fri! :D

Time Flies

2009-10-20T18:39:00.003+08:00

Back to blogging again i guess...
It's just so hard to maintain a blog:S
How time flies,
just logged on to FB and they were asking me to unlock christmas trees!
And obviously...i gave the first christmas tree to my baby<3
Woah! Chirstmas is coming!
Christmas...woah...i cant really remmber how i celebrated it last yr though...
But last yr was a bad yr...all those unhappy memories and emo times:S
I'm glad it's over.
This year's one gonna be different!:D

Been quite busy now...but getting lazy too.
Busy with the end-of-year concert for the children.
Busy preparing their report book and remarks...Ugh. Sucks.
Well, all i can ask for is to end this year well and bring it go a nice closure with my love one.
Next year is gonna be a whole new journey....
Not sure what's install, but gotta be prepared for whatever that comes:)

TATA.

2009-10-19T11:47:00.004+08:00

I miss you JEREMY ANG!

5 Days of not being able to hear your voice and see you is making me emo:(((

Quickly come back baby

2009-10-17T23:14:00.002+08:00

As long as you're mine....

I dun care about anything else...

Cause i know i'll be able to walk through the darkest storms

I'll make every moment last

As long as i know you're mine....

Do you know?

2009-07-26T23:56:00.002+08:00

Do you know....

How much i long to be in ur arms right now.
How much i'm yearning for your love.
How much i wish that time would stop everytime i'm with you.
How much i love the warmth i get when i hug you.
How much i wanna be by your side everytime.
How much i wish i could cheer you up whenever you are down.
How much i want you.
How much i love you.

Loves

2009-07-06T19:17:00.006+08:00

HELLO PPL:)

I'm back once again.

Here's a update on what has been going on in my life.
I'm happily attached:)
I'm still working at anna sui.
I havent been clubbing for weeks, till the fact that i hadly miss it already.
Though i'm still waiting for the day when i can club with my love:)

Had a great week last week.
Meeting my love every single day:)
Manage to satisfy my longing to swim too:)

Sadly... this week is packed almost everyday, or rather everyday.
Not able to meet my love until friday:(
But i'm excited bout tmr though.
Going to timbre with BFFS:)
Like FINALLY!!! Been weeks since i last saw them.

It's a pity there's no pictures to show:(
I NEED A CAMERA!!!
My camera phone sucks... in uploading pics to the com.
I WANT A CAMERA!!!
I wanna capture every precious moment with my love ones and show it to everyone!
GET ME A CAMERA SOON!:)

Hug and make up

2009-06-12T13:23:00.004+08:00

Tell me everything's gonna be okay.
I need that assurance.
Much as i would like to act princessey and start sorting things out over the phone....
I guess it's just a passing phrase...
With a mixture of emotions involved.
I'm not feeling good about this... not sure about you.
Much as i would like to sweep it under the carpet and not care...
I cant!

Been through that before, i know how it feels like.
Just gotta be more understanding.
I believe this relationship, built over the years, between us has a stronger foundation.
It shouldnt end just like that.
What's the use of losing someone cause of someone new.
I cannot afford to lose both.

Just cause i dont say it,
or maybe i dont show it,
or maybe you dont feel it,
Doesen't mean that i dont care and dont bother anymore.
Nor am i taking things and those around me for granted. am i?
There are many things i wanna tell you,
to engage in those girly talks.
But i'm afraid to, afraid to stir up unwanted emotions.
So i just keep them to myself.
Maybe we're just a little sensitive.

I hope this ends soon...
Cause i definitely cannot do without you...

Another new beginning

2009-06-02T22:57:00.003+08:00

This week is the last week of my make-up course.

Wow! How time flies!

Now i've got to look for another job..a make-up artist job:)

Life's good, i'm happy.

I have everything i want...except...

MONEY!

Haha.. i wanna go for a holiday soon!

You're the reason i smile everyday<3

It's no longer bout you or me.

It's about us now:)

At the beginning

2009-05-21T23:29:00.004+08:00

The weekends are finally here! I'm so happieee:D

Here's smth for the both of us:)

We were strangers
Starting out on a journey
Never dreaming
What we'd have to go through
Now here we are
And I'm suddenly standing
At the beginning with you

No one told me
I was going to find you
Unexpected
What you did to my heart i fell for you
When I lost hope
You were there to remind me
This is the start

Life is a road
And I want to keep going
Love is a river
I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road
Now and forever
Wonderful journey

I'll be there When the world stops turning
I'll be there When the storm is through
In the end
I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

I knew there was somebody somewhere
Like me alone in the dark
Now I know my dream will live on you were all i could ever dream of
I've been waiting so long to find someone like you
Nothing's gonna tear us apart:)

I pray

2009-05-21T00:28:00.003+08:00

May each qrarrel bring us closer
May each misunderstanding help us to understand each other better
May each unhappy moment bring us one step closer to a happily ever after

:) This is my prayer for the both of us.

emo ppl

2009-05-18T00:24:00.002+08:00

What if those fingerprints cannot be removed?
You're emo... it's my fault:(
I do not know how to make u happy:(
Sorry.... hate myself sometimes

I'll do almost anything to keep this going,
I'll try my best and give my all.
I'll give my best shot.
I'm a bit tired though... to keep trying to change.

It takes both parties to make a relationship work.
It's not as simple as you think it it... there's more than meets the eye.
It's no more puppy love.
I'm serious this time round...

I could spend a whole day planting kisses on you and not feel tired

:(( ((:

2009-05-17T11:37:00.003+08:00

Another pubbing session gone wrong:((

I really thank God for best friends,
sometimes i feel that i rather have a best friend than a boyfriend.
To think that at one point in time i was so desperate to get attached-.-

Help!
I'm trying to change to become the old me,
Cant believe i'm actually doin so.
I'm trying to... but the old me was so boring:(

I dont wanna lose you,
and i'm afriad to,
Am i always the one doing the wrong stuffs?
I dont seem to be able to meet ur expectations...

Dear God, help me pleassee....

I miss you:(
I yearn to hear ur voice first thing in the morning,
when i dont, i get disappointed.
I do not know how you're like, who you really are.
I wanna know.
Sometimes i wonder when will be the day when i can truly call u mine...
Will that day ever come?

Confused

2009-05-15T01:53:00.001+08:00

Why are you so hot and cold sometimes?
Why is it a yes and no other times?
I'm afraid.
Cause i've fallen for you.
I dun wanna be hurt:(

Loves

2009-05-11T00:30:00.003+08:00

You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.

HAHA.

I just realised that when i'm emo, i seem to hav many things to blog about.
But now that i'm happy, i suddenly dunno what to say:)

All's well:)
The feeling of falling in love and starting anew is so great.
Esp when u know the person's sincere.
But i wont doubt that once in a while,
I still hav these little "what if" doubts running through my head
The feeling of suddenly losing everything overnight kinda scares me
You wont let me down will ya?:)
I know i'm suppose to be taking one step at a time and let God lead.
But sometimes it's like so hard...
you just want to take 2 steps instead of 1.
But i guess that's not very good eh.

Anyway hope all goes well:)
Will keep praying about this whole thing:))

Happiness?

2009-05-06T17:19:00.001+08:00

What do you do when happiness suddenly comes knocking on your door?
I'm eager to open wide the door for it to come in,
at the same time i'm afriad.
What if it's just a dream, and this happiness is not ment to last:(
Dont wanna think about it, dont dare to.

All i can say is that i'm happy now:)

Life

2009-04-24T21:36:00.002+08:00

People come and go.
Only the good ones stay.
Been a week, getting better now.
At least my appetite's back.
But still, there's a corner of my heart which still hurts.
Everytime time i think about it.
I cant help it:((
I dun even dare to look at those pics.
Dun wanna be reminded.
Clubing again tonight.
3 nights in a row.
Maybe 4? It i go tmr....
think tat's the way to make me forget you.
Not gonna pin hopes... i try...

Lost

2009-04-20T21:04:00.001+08:00

Had class as usual.
Went home after that.
On the way back was talking to a fren on the phone,
He said i sounded happy
But deep inside, was i truly happy?

Was asked to work last min,
Here i am sitting at the counter.
Tons of people walking pass me
A sense of loneliness overwhelms me.
See a couple happily hugging each other
When was the last time i felt the same were they were feeling?
Cant remember.

Saw myself in the mirror,
Suddenly told myself what a fool i was.
Many questions popped into my head.
Who was i to you?
Jus a shadow? A transparent sheet? Another girl?
The one month of wait was in vain,
All the time i had you in my mind, you had someone else in yours
When will it be my turn?

help

2009-04-19T19:47:00.002+08:00

Jesus take the wheel lead me, guide me

Take it from my hands i dunno what to do anymore

Cause I can't do this on my own thought i could

I'm letting go i've given up

So give me one more chance i've been hopeless

To save me from this road I'm on filled with misery and heartaches

Jesus take the wheel i need You to speak to me

:(

2009-04-18T15:17:00.002+08:00

Pictures paint a thousand words.
Paint mine...

i told u

2009-04-17T15:37:00.002+08:00

I thought they said dreams were the opposites of reality?
Well, at least now i know the answers to my questions.
Moving on.... easier said than done

Sushi Bar

2009-04-17T00:13:00.003+08:00

I felt that happiness was one step away,
or maybe like my fav sushi on the sushi bar, just a few plates away.
But before i could grab it, it went right pass me.
I missed it!

I dont think i'll be able to find exactly the same one again.
On a positive note, maybe the next "plate" that comes along will be much better?
How long must i wait?

It's been a year, and I have gone.... let's see....
from bad to worst?
I dunno.... who cares!

Butter Fac

2009-04-14T00:45:00.007+08:00

Celebrated Des's birthday at butter fac on sat.

Wow! I finally got to step into butter after so long!

It was fun and great.

But think it's one of the only clubs tat did not remind me much of phuture.

Busy!

2009-04-09T01:10:00.003+08:00

A superly hectic and busy week for me!
I need back my 10 hours of sleep!
At least i managed to squeeze in some time and spend it with my babes today:)
We had japanese buffet! My fav!
Sadly didn't get to eat the sashimi one last time before we went off!
The serving timing was damn slow.... but it was a good meal.
Well at least it lasted me until now:)
For the first time this week didn't eat a meal after 10.
Fat Fat!!!

Alrights, off to bed, long day again later:(
Come find me at Vivo will ya? haha.

Nights fellas! :))

If you say you miss me, why wont you show it?
I wanna be happily happy, please dun make me sad:)

The perfect one

2009-04-08T01:57:00.002+08:00

Is he perfect? How do i know?

The perfect one....

The one dat makes u SMILE, not laugh
The one when u hug, regardless of his size, u feel dat u r sheltered from harm
The one whom u know, will brace himsself against danger n push u away
The one who will do freakin silly things juz to see u smile
The one that does things for u, NOT ONLY on annivesaries or birthdays, but instead, he does it on OTHER days instead

Is there really someone this perfect?
Are you that perfect one for me?

Happiness

2009-03-28T01:37:00.005+08:00

Wow! I had a great week!!! Ladies night on wed was awesome! First time Karine clubbed with us! Haha... really enjoyed having her around:D Went out wif Jess and Karine again today. With the two guys... aww.. so much fun and laughter. Had a great time:) It's great having so many frens ard you... even better when you are with great friends whom you love soooo much, and you know they love you too!<3>

13 more days to go....

dunno what the future holds...

dunno how things will turn out...

shant put too much hope and take things one step at a time:)

Wasted

2009-03-25T16:06:00.002+08:00

Something triggered in me...

Standing at the back door
She tried to make it fast
One tear hit the hard woodIt fell like broken glass
She said sometimes love slips away
And you just can't get it backLet's face it

For one split second
She almost turned around
But that would be like pouring rain drops
Back into a cloudSo she took another step and said
I see the way out and I'm gonna' take it

I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

Another glass of whisky but it still don't kill the pain
So he stumbles to the sink and pours it down the drain
He says it's time to be a man and stop living for yesterday
Gotta face it.

Cause' I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

Oh I don't wanna' keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted

She kept drivin' along
Till the moon and the sun were floating side-by-side
He looked in the mirror and his eyes were clear
For the first time in a while... ...

Emo? No!

2009-03-24T00:24:00.002+08:00

Why is this feeling coming back again
I know it shouldn't be
I paid a heavy price for it to go away
but it seems it's not working
Feeling cheated?
It's jus the same old feeling
Nothing new
Waussup with me?
Shouldn't i have gotten used to it already?
Is there someone who's able to ans the questions i have in me?

2 more weeks before you come back
come back quick will you?
Even if you do...
will you be willing to save me from the sorrows of the world?

Gone

2009-03-19T16:39:00.001+08:00

My camera's officially GONE GONE GONE!!!!
It's quite depressing actually... to realise it's gone, or rather stolen
curse whoever did it!
I'll never get it back again:(( *sobs*
No use crying over spilt milk rach...

Too perfect

2009-03-17T02:21:00.002+08:00

Saw through a fren's profile on facebook.
Dunno why i feel this way, but i think i hate her.

She's :
Pretty
Nice body
Rich
Big and loving family
Wonderful parents
Happy with her job
Happily attached
Loads of friends

Dammit. How can anyone be so perfect, with everything i ever hope and wanted for.
Deep down inside me wishes sometimes that one of those things will be taken away from her one day.
Say me jealous or whatever.
But i think it's unfair, totally unfair:(

Dance

2009-03-15T18:08:00.003+08:00

My arms are thighs are aching!!!

Aching from all the dancing i did yesterday, and it's not dancing at club mind you.

Went for the dance audition at aspara asia in the morning.

To my surprise, i passed the audition.

Looks like my saturday mornings for the next 9 months are packed and i think that also means no more clubbing on fridays:(

But i think that this is my chance to finally realise my dream.

And i think this whole 9 months will be quite exciting,

and at the end of the whole thing, we will be staging a performance on the 5th of Dec:))

At night, i went for dance practice in church again.

Had to work doubly hard cause we realised that we didn't have much practices left.

At the end of the day i was dead tired.

Anyway the dance practice that we all have been working very hard for is the upcoming Easter production. The details of the production are below.

I would sincerely invite you to come for the production:) It's free!

So let me know if you can come:) Looking forward to seeing you there!

Sick

2009-03-11T17:19:00.003+08:00

Here i am, in front of them com blogging once again and listening to my fav song over and over again.
Monday night's sleep was horrible. Tried to sleep early for once so went to bed at 12.30.
At 2.30 i was still up so i decided to log onto msn.
Went back to sleep again at 3.30am.
Woke up at 7am with a horrible and terrible pain in my throat.
It was so bad it was killing me.
Thought i was going to fall sick. But thank God i woke up today feeling much better.

Argh. Looking at the clock now and it reads 5.22. Gotta go get ready at 5.30 and i dont feel like getting up from my seat!!! Guess i better pop 2 panadols in my mouth before i go.
Going for dance class later, hope it'll be fun:) Never tried this genre of dance before.

2009-03-09T19:41:00.004+08:00

How do i react, what do i say when i hear her tell me over and over again
"You'll be my make-up artist when i remarry"
I just put on a fake smile and pretend as if i heard nothing.

I'm afriad of the future.
Afraid of losing everything and everybody.
Afraid of what the months to come will be like.
But i cant do anything for now.

The wait is killing me.

A reminder

2009-03-08T18:22:00.001+08:00

Those scars will be there, to remind me always

Wish i could have bled to death right there and then

Don't think i'm good enough for those around me

I'm sorry.

Another laides night

2009-03-05T20:11:00.002+08:00

Back from ladies night.
I think ladies night last night was one of the best and worst club night i ever had.
To think i was emo 90% of the night.
Hai... shouldn't have gone clubbing with a wound that was not yet fully healed.
But it was a night i would remember too, seeing how the 3 of us hugged each other.
How there were tears of sorrows and how we poured out almost everything.
How we found comfort and warmth in each others arms.
Thanks Babes!
Went to Jess house after club to stayover.
We bitch quite a lot the whole night and we bitch until we all fell asleep. Haha.
Jess let me listen to a song called "bless the broken road"
One sentence in the song has stuck to my head ever since then.

"Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars

Pointing me on my way into your loving arms"

2009-03-04T14:28:00.002+08:00

I managed to sleep earlier last night, around 2am.
But as usual, the moment i closed my eyes those thoughts run through my head.
I begin to see visions of the whole thing.
As if they were trying to haunt me go away please

I wish i could rewind... rewind to last wednesday when the girls and i were in KL.
Shopping and spening all our money...
Then tmr will be last thursday, and friday will be last friday the day which i'll never forget
Fact is, there's no such thing as a rewind... we all have to move on and pick up the pieces

It's ladies night once again, and i havent thought of what to wear!
Gotta meet my godbrother in 1 hrs time, but i'm still sitting in front of the com.
Guess he'll have to end up waiting for me as usual.

I swear i'm not going to let the same thing happen again

2009-03-03T14:49:00.002+08:00

Believe this is a very meaningful song, watch it, reflect upon it.

"I believe that one day, if you look hard enough and are patient,

that correct one will appear.

Though love is beautiful, you cannot fall into a trap just because you're lonely.

You must look properly for it, the right feeling is important "

2009-03-03T03:43:00.001+08:00

LOVE YA BABES TO BITS!

2009-03-03T03:36:00.005+08:00

What a week end this was.

Full of emotions.

Went through a lot of thinking.

Actually i didn't really dare to think of it.

I'm afraid,

even at the thought of having it in my head for a split second.

Never felt this way before, never wish to feel like this again

Wished it was all a nightmare that i could wake up frm.

felt horrible,

felt terrified,

felt like cutting myself up,

felt like banging my head against the wall.

The tremendous pain i felt.

Was unbearable.

Terrible.

no one really understood

But i guessed not all was lost.

Reflected quite a bit with what i wanted to do.

Decided to focus on other stuffs.

And i think most importantly,

closer friendship bonds were formed.

I knew who were those who really cared.

Opened up my eyes to those who stood by me,

and i know they will always be there to pick me up when i fall down.

Thanks you guys, i love you all!

2009-03-01T19:02:00.002+08:00

"Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness

and all this things will be added unto you"

Do i really have to seek God first before he grants me the desires of my heart?

my foolishness has killed me... leaving me hopeless and helpless

Jesus come... come, i'm desperate for you...

2009-02-28T17:07:00.001+08:00

Came back from genting with the gals on thurs. Loved the time spent with them there. Had loads of fun and we shopped till we had no money left. Somehow i wished we had more time together. Too lazy to upload pics. Haa... view them on facebook:)

2009-02-22T16:51:00.002+08:00

Have you ever felt rejected,
having this feeling the whole world's happy except you
well i have
Have you ever felt like you just want to cry and scream out loud,
but nothing comes out of your mouth and no tears fall
i have
Have you ever wondered what is it that will bring you true happiness
and not temporary happiness
i have
Have you ever wondered why is it everyone seemed to have found the right one,
all except you
i have
Have you ever wished you could just close your eyes, dreaming those sweet dreams
never having to wake up to the reality of this world
i have

Woke up to the voice of my brother saying "Jie, call for you" and realised that i was already 3.30.
Felt quite gloomy, looked out of my window and saw the gloomy sky and the raindrops falling
thought to myself, what a dark and gloomy day it is today.

Supposed to be heading down to great world to get some stuffs for my trip tomorrow.
Feeling lazy and moody.
Still havent gotten over the quarrel with my mum, so no to borrowing the car

Something's wrong with my phone, unable to recieve messages and calls. F**ked up.

What a day....

2009-02-21T01:25:00.004+08:00

What a week! Everyday was packed with activities for the first time. Didn't have much time to laze around at home or even pack my room. Was glad that i could finally club with my bff again after so long. What a night.

Was out with godbro most of today. He was telling me to get a life, think he's getting sick of hearing my complains every now and then and listening to my stories, as well as putting up with my emoness and seeing me lead the same life over and over again.... haha but thanks for putting up with me:))

2 more days to genting!!!

2009-02-18T11:42:00.002+08:00

Woke up this morning to the saddening news of the passing away of Uncle Anthony, my Senior Pastor's dad, also someone whom i personally knew. As i read the sms on this news, i layed in bed, and for a moment, tears flowed down my eyes. Just suddenly had this sense of lost.

Uncle Anthony was already quite old, maybe around 70 plus? But despite his age, he was still very outgoing, and a very jovial man. I remember how he would suddenly come up to me from behind and grab my hand from behind, how he would never fail to ask me how my dad was doing. How he tried to connect my dad to his cell, and was very happy whenever my dad went to his cell. I also remembered how we went on missions trip together, how we war together for Christ. Even when we taught the people a few dance steps, he would also join in even though he knew he wasn't very good at it, he would still try.

Thank You Uncle Anthony, for impacting a part of my life.

It was great knowing you, we'll definitely miss you.

At least I know that you are now happily in heaven,

safe in the arms of the Lord.

Rest well.

2009-02-18T00:23:00.002+08:00

Yay!
Confirm the bookings for the genting trip which i'm going with the girls on monday!
Can't wait for it!
I'm counting down.... 5 more days!

2009-02-15T15:33:00.007+08:00

After being attached on almost every Valentine's Day, i think being single on Valentine's Day wasn't so bad afterall. Esp when you're out wif great friend/friends:)) Went out we Jes, and i think i felt happier ystd than i did on V day last year with my ex.

My day yesterday started with dance rehearsal for the Easter production. Was great, learnt new dance steps, but i think i got a bit tired halfway, considering the fact that i couldn't sleep till 5 plus the night before!

After that when to meet Jes in town. Walked around town thinking of some place to eat, all the restaurants were super packed.... maybe cause it was V day. Wassup with this couples?! Can't they jus stay at hm. Haha... but anyway we decided to eat at sushi tei at paragon. Had to wait an hour plus for out seats so we decided to take a walk round pragon. We ended up at muji. Muji's amazing i tell you! I hardly go to muji and i think i'm falling in love with that shop( the snacks section). I was amazed to see the various kinds or snacks they had. I was tempted to buy one of every kind! Jes bought her vinegar drink(very worth it, till now she still has some of the drink left) and some snack in a cup and i bought a cherry drink and a snack too. Munched on our snacks till our seat was ready. Sushi tei was yummy, ate our favourite chawamushi and salmon sashimi.

After dinner, headed down to cine. Haha, where i said i wanted to "soak" in the atmosphere. Apparently there wasn't much of a atmosphere to soak in, so we headed to ps. Headed to the comic shops at the top floor where we saw nail arts. We were cheated! The shop sticked the words "All nail art stickers and body tattoo at 90cents" so we were thinking, wah so cheap and started choosing happily. Little did we know when we reached the counter that it cost 2.20 at not 90cents. So we ended up buying 2 nail art stickers instead of 4.

Finally, we headed down to starbucks at The Cathay to chill out for a while. We talked about our genting trip plans and got more exctied about it. Went back after that and i reached home just in time to say goodbye to Valentine's Day 2009:))

2009-02-12T23:19:00.004+08:00

I'm trying to act as if i'm alright

Why is it even bothering me?

You know they're all the same

and i tot that perhaps there's one who's different

Argh! Bitch!

Mood: EMO!

BASTARDS! BASTARDS! BASTARDS!

2009-02-12T18:10:00.004+08:00

Valentine's Day is coming....

I'm reading all over about singles being emo and depressed. Common... cheer up, you guys are not the only singles around. V day is just another day, plan activities on that day to keep your mind off stuffs, spend time with single friends. Imagine the amount of money you can save, and you don't have to crack your brains over what to get for your lover. HAA...

I begin to look back on smth i would call... my love life in 2008, maybe a little into 2009. I decided to blog down how i felt at that point of time and maybe now... maybe not all, but on those who left a impression on me.

B- It took you 3 years to show your real colours. How disappointed i was at that point of time, sometimes i feel as if i've forgiven you. But when i think back about the things that happened, i'm not sure whether deep down i've really forgiven you. They say a leopard never changes it's spots, but i sure hope and pray that one day you will wake up and those spots of yours would disappear.

R- I thought you were the perfect one for me. You had almost everything i was looking for. It was great to see how smoothly things were going. Sadly, you forgot your promise to me after you recovered:((... you just let go and left those feelings to die on it's own. Well, i'll still remember those sweet memories and on how crazy i think i was over you:)

V- I was overly into you, even though i knew things wouldn't work out, and even though i knew what kind of person you were. But forgetting you was easy, cause i saw and found out what a playboy you can be.

H- I was a fool then, i really was. Omg, you're the biggest bastard that can ever exsist. You're scary, i've never felt so cheated. I wonder when the time will come when i can look at you and not feel any hatred and anger inside me. I'm sorry to say this, but i hate you... i think i will hate you forever and ever...

T- You're a great guy:)) Things could have worked out beautifully if i was willing to let it to. Sadly, i just didn't felt right and carrying it on would mean that it will be unfair to you. Thank you for all those times, i'm glad to have known you. I feel you have every right to hate me. But don't worry, i wont blame you:)) With that, i wish you all the best in you search for <3.

Well, that was life for me in 08. And i think with that i've grown numb... i think i have. Dunno what 09 will be, but i think if i really want to find the right one, i must leave it to God to decide.

2009-02-09T16:44:00.036+08:00

Here are some pics from the China trip which i came back from 2 weeks ago...

Day 1

This is the guilin mee fen that we ate for breakfast everyday throughout our trip. We soon got sick of it...

Haha, we were quite shocked to see the way they carried the chicken

Went to seven star cave after breakfast

Apparently, most if not all their mountains have a certain name to which it is shaped. Know what shape this mountain is?

A warm handshake:P

At night, we visitied one of the nightclubs there. And i think the nightclubs there are better than the ones in singapore. Haha, this nightclub had a very grand theme. Sadly my bro didn't do a very good job in taking a picture of it.

Day 2, we were brought to some park... btw, guilin is quite well known for their scenary

Yummy bbq squid by the roadside, but i think this was what gave my bro diarrhoea for the next 2 days. LOLS.

After that, we went shopping. Finally! Bought 2 boots, which were very very cheap. After that, i decided to do my nails and pulled my mum along with me. Haha.

I paid only 10 bucks for this! If i stayed there, i'm quite sure you'll be seeing me at the nail shop almost everyday.

New year's eve, we had renuion dinner together with the Chef's family. Sorry to say this, but the food didn't look tat appetizing.

After dinner, we played with fireworks. Guess you can only do this in China. We were seeing fireworks for the next few days and soon we got quite tired of seeing it.

That's me lighting up the fireworks, i was quite scared though. I imgaine the fireworks suddenly bursting up in my face, but thankfully it didn't. And my hands were freezing, i think the temperature that night was 0 degrees.

More fireworks!

Day 3, we visited the liu village. Apparently the China ppl eat steamboat throughout winter

Taking a walk around the village

After the village, we went to a nice cafe. Where i, despite the freezing weather, decided to treat myself to a banana boat:D

Day 4, we were brought to a tiger and bear mountain village. Where my whole family felt the animals in there were being tortured...

These tigers have been whipped since young, so they are afraid of the whip and are thus forced to perform.

We were just wondering what will happen if one day, these tigers decide to rebel...

Same goes for the bears. They were born to walk on 4 feet. I wonder how it feels like being forced to walk on 2 feet

Ouch. "My horns!"

Stuffed tigers

Day 5, we went on a ship. Were we sailed along the river for 4 hours.

MORE mountains...

1400 year old tree...

Went to watch liu San Jie show at night. What a sight to see everyone in raincoats, as it was raining and the place was an open air theatre. But the view was spectacular.

Day 6, mountain AGAIN by then, we were getting a little bored of mountains and caves...

Went trekking...

Day 7 is missing, cause tat day we went to the hot springs and didn't take any pics.

Day 8, themepark! Finally! Some excitement!

I enjoyed this ride the most, though i literally felt my heart in my mouth. Haha.

My bro and i felt that we didn't have enough trill, so we decided to try the reverse bungee. We only paid 10 bucks for it.

Our last dinner with the liu family

Well... China wasn't exactly fun. But it was a good break and i'm quite glad to be back:)

2009-02-05T17:38:00.002+08:00

What do i really want?

Even i myself do not know

10 days in China was not enough,

or maybe it was enough,

i don't know

Maybe only when i let go then i'll know

The selfish me

2009-01-23T01:06:00.010+08:00

LADIES NIGHT!

I simply love ladies night where i get to hang out wif my girlies, and of course! Best of all... everything's free!!! Wed was one wild night... we had many drinks, far too many i think. Haha. So crazy...... We went club hopping... as usual. Phuture, Zirca, Attica, Zouk. Didn't go arena this time round... the lychnee martinis there are lousy... haha:P Some pics!

Lychee martinis at Zirca:)

5 Champagnes, 5 Bourbon Coke, 5 Vodkha Limes

. E33 and Heineken. E33's a killer!

Drink it all up babes!

Member's Bar.

Ladies Night:)

Ultimately, when the fun's over, we're back to reality...

Yes, it was fun, and for that period, everything was perfect, but this kind of happiness is not forever... it cannot be found there.

We pay for our own actions, i'm sorry, i don't think i deserve you.

They're bastards, i'm a bitch...

2009-01-17T01:13:00.002+08:00

For once this week, i actually woke up before 12!

Bff steph and i were going to court, or rather, went to court.

Some of you might have heard the recent chinatown murder case in which 4 youths were involved. Apparently 2 out of the 4 were our friends.

It's quite shocking news actually. Though out of the 2, 1 didn't really like, my heart really went out to them. Both 19, with a great future ahead of them never would someone think such a thing like that would happened. All we can hope now is for the best, there's no way they will be able to escape punishment, but i sure hope they will at least be given a second chance. 6 Feb is their next hearing, so we'll wait till then......

Well, we all have one life, and how we live that life is really up to us. No one can actually force you to do anything. This made me think how i want to live my life... what do i actually want to do next time. Am i goin to be at someone's beck and call or am i going to build my career and live the life i want to?

Went to cell tonight, and as usual asked my mum for the car. Apparently she wasn't really willing to lend me the car tonight. Guess she's not very happy with the fact that i'm actually wasting my time at home. Haiz... when she's in a bad mood, everything else sucks, and it actually irritates me at times. Does she think i'm going to waste my time like that forever? I think i know what to do alright...

Alrightty... long day ahead tmr. So guess i'm gonna hit the sacks... nites!

2009-01-15T18:12:00.002+08:00

I'm back!

I know i have not been blogging, maybe because i havent really had the mood to blog. HAHA. Anyways, i'm back! In a happier tone/mood now:)) n I'M NT GONNA DELETE MY BLOG!

I must say, i have fulfilled quite a few things in my wishlist or rather almost all...

I got my driving license:D

I bough a coach bag too... hees... though i wanna buy one more this year

After visiting singtel just the other day wif my dad, i realised that i can actually change to a new phone on the 16 of march! I'm definitely getting a touch screen phone:D perhaps a i-phone???

As for love... hmmm... i might have found it for now... or maybe i'm still finding??? :P wait and see lahh.... haha.

How quickly time actually flies... it's a whole new year! but... sadly to say... i dont have any new year resolutions, or rather didn't really think of any. Been pretty free these few days, neither working nor studying... more partying rather... wahahaha!!! but... i'm goin back to studying soon... or rather i hope:P haas... ...

2008-11-05T17:39:00.001+08:00

Maybe it's time for me to make a comeback. I've been too stubborn, that is why i am in such a state now. Can i really come back?

2008-10-01T00:59:00.001+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

It's my birthday, how time flies. It's gonna be an exciting day! Today also marks a new beginning for me. After today i must stay happy always:) I must not be upset over little things:)

Love my family and close friends!:D

2008-09-25T13:07:00.001+08:00

It's easier said than done.
I thought i was ok.
Am i really ok?
But i really thought i was ok.
I gotta hang on.
I can do it.
Just endure a while more, it will soon go away.
Putting on a fake smile is not easy.
Esp when you aren't feeling happy from inside.
I'll be fine.
Time will heal.

2008-09-24T11:30:00.003+08:00

Moving on no matter how fcuked up life may be:) How foolish humans can be. At times they think that they are pathetic. But when you actually open up your foolish eyes and look around you, you are actually more blessed than you can imagine.

Friends who are there beside you always.
Family members who will stick by you no matter what.
And God, who will never ever fail you.

Stop acting all pathetic and feeling upset all day. All these are part of life. If it comes just let it come, but deal with it cleverly and don't let it affect you too much. I'm letting God take charge, and everything will fall into place nicely. Be patient and wait...

Count your blessings and name them one by one. Then you will realise how bless you are:)

2008-09-23T11:15:00.002+08:00

CONFUSED.
A LITTLE UPSET.
DISAPPOINTED?
AFRAID.
IN LOVE.

I cant ask anything of you.
All i can ask is that you don't forget everything.

2008-09-20T15:16:00.002+08:00

I feel as if i'm being made use of. And the worst part is i'm falling into the trap of being made used of. I choose not to think about it. I think i wanna run away and pretend as if nothing's wrong. I'm being silly. I've learnt not to believe in promises too easily. Cause it turns out i'm being fooled most of the time. I hate disappointments and empty promises. Why do u make them when you cant keep them? You may not remember the promises made... but i do... i remember every single one of them very clearly.

My money's running out... but i'm still spending... spending them on things which i feel can make me happy... temporary happiness...

2008-09-20T15:13:00.002+08:00

I hate the feeling of waking up feeling emo. I cant help it, but i'm trying to do something about it. I'm stepping into a new phrase of life. I don't know what lies ahead, i'm just taking things one step at a time. I have to learn to be independent. I cannot always expect people to be there for me much as i would like to...

2008-09-16T13:03:00.002+08:00

I'm finally leaving my workplace. Without the support of my mum i don't think i'll ever be able to. I do not know what lies ahead but i'll take things one step at a time. I want to thank the support of my frens esp my bff. She has been there with me always, ever ready to be there for me and go out with me. She's so cute, when she knew i was leaving she even offered to find a resignation letter for me. Friends like these are only once in a lifetime.

I have not given the letter yet as i'm on MC for 2 days due to stress at work. Doc said i needed a break. I can't wait to get it over and done quickly and move on with life. Wish me all the best!:D

2008-09-14T22:44:00.002+08:00

Haven't been blogging for quite some time. Been quite lazy. I've been leading a double lifestyle. Work's been getting more miserable for me by the day. I think i might be leaving soon... i need to find something which i'm really interested to do. The problem is i don't know what.

Fustrations!

2008-08-21T21:15:00.003+08:00

It's becoming more and more fustrating at work and more and more unbearable at work! It has becomed so fustrating that i have reached to the point where i totally ignore all the things that are happening.

Parent no 1: " Why isn't my daughter able to recognise the alphabets? Can you please do something to help her?"

Does this parent know that besides her daughter i have 41 other kids to take care of! On top of that i have observations and various literacy test and lesson plans to be carried out, i have corners to set up too???!!! I don't have time for one to one sessions with your child ok!

Parent no 2: "My son hasn't been drinking his water. Please make sure that he finish drinking his water everyday"

It's not as if we never remind the kids to drink their water-.- Every time we tell the child to drink his water, he takes one mouth and stops. We don't have so much time to keep telling him to drink over and over again. If the mother wants him to finish his water then go hire a personal nanny to take care of him! Anyway her son is one troublesome fella in class. We have other things to take care of.

Parent no 3: "My son lost his pants during bath time at school. This is not the first time! You better look for his pants or else i'm going to the office to complain!"

Hello hello, your son is already 5 years old! He should be able to take care of his own things! We teachers only have one pair of eyes and 40 over kids to look after! Furthermore the aunty who was suppose to bathe the kids was not around yesterday! One teacher had to bathe the kids and the other had to look after the rest! How would we know every single thing! Anyway your son can be a little blur at times! He is always losing his stuff, i never see this happening to the other children! GO ahead and complan all you want!

So irritating! Every single day there are new situations coming up! I don't bother anymore, i'm just going to bear with it for another year and i'm out of here! Why be so stress and upset over such things? I'm already trying my best to handle my other affairs, i've got no time for all this! If i get stress up over all this too i'll breakdown cause i cannot take it anymore. Life as becomed quite meaningless except going to church and spending time with friends and family.

Sinful Indulgence

2008-08-20T19:56:00.005+08:00

Going home to an empty house almost everyday can be quite boring. Everyday's routine at work is almost the same and everyday i am just waiting for time to pass so that i can go home. I wonder how long more i can bear with this routine. Just today, i recieve news that i will be having 2 more new kids in my class, and that adds up to a total of 42 kids in my k1 class!!! And everyday i hear the same thing "have you done up your corners? HQ is coming down to check soon. We must pass the QCC this time round" I'm like WTH, come then come la. Who cares?! I'm already fed up with the number of kids and here you are telling me all this SH*T every single day. I don't mean to be so mean, but this is what happens when i'm actually pushed to the point of fustration.

I think that after much effort of losing a bit of weight i'm starting to gain them back again. I'm been indulging in sinful cravings lately. *SUNDAES!!!* Went out with karine yesterday, i thought i was going to skip dinner cause i already ate quite a lot in the day time. But i could not resist the temptation of ordering something to eat at hong kong cafe. After that meal, we headed down to white dog's cafe for a huge sundae and ice-cream float. What could be more sinful than that??? But i really felt happy being able to eat such a huge sundae. I think it's the only thing that would make me feel really happy for now.

That's me with the sundae. I could have eaten the whole thing if not for my evil other half! LOLS. I think i looked a bit worn out though.

My fren asked me if i was happy now. I'm in a dilemma. If i said i was happy, that would be a lie. If i said i was not happy that would also be a lie. Well, maybe i'm just asking for too much. But i really wonder, when will i truly be happy?

Dear God, i'm sorry if i've neglected you lately....

Calling.

2008-08-13T00:37:00.002+08:00

Stephen suddenly told me that my calling for ministry expressions might be to become a backup singer at the chinese ministry. Is it really true?! Chinese Ministry?! When my chinese is half past six?! Lols. It's like something which is so out of the box. I really dunno if this is where God wants me to go. But i pray that if it is, he will show it to me very clearly.

Am i being very silly? Giving up something which i want to do for someone who's not even mine? I don't know. Tell me if i am. I dunno what to do... am i really blinded? Is all this worth it? What if things do not turn out the way i hope they will? Dear God, help me.

Dear God, if it is your will, let it be done. Show it to me clearly.